The one where I missed my chance to defenestrate
I am less than a man. I am excessively icked out by things that are icky, and scared by those and more.
And this shouldn't have been too icky, but when a bat the size of a pterodactyl flew into my bedroom last night (from the hallway, not the window), I had both heebies and jeebies.
I ran out of the room. Tried to open a window, but I couldn't open the screen. Though I did knock a lightbulb off a shelf, so now I had a bat flying around and broken glass everywhere. With images of squirrel cop (at 19:50, and you should totally listen) in my head, I had to go back into the room to grab my phone or computer, to call for help or at least look up what I should do. The phone was more easily portable, so I grabbed it and ran. I called TY. She was dismissive of my complaints.
Went back upstairs with a broom, and...couldn't...find...Battie...anywhere.
I slept downstairs, on the sofa.
Went upstairs this morning to find...a cute furry nothing asleep on top of my door.
He looks a little bigger 
ferocious.
I wrapped him in the towel and threw him outside. I thought I might have hurt him because he didn't move for a while, but I went back to check on him and he was gone.
Then, while I was making breakfast I heard a knocking--he was trying to get into the window on the basement staircase where my dryer vents. So we might see Battie again, but in the meantime, Na na na na Na na na na Na na na na Na na na na, I am Batman.
Switching to the non-mammalian, Duck lost to Rocket, 11-9. I played one and a half points, did nothing wrong and something very right, and had a +1 differential.
See you tomorrow at the Box,
sg
10 comments:
for the record, i was not dismissive, although i did chuckle a little. ok, more than a little. but i also calmly offered practical advice on how to remove a bat from your house, which included trapping it under a towel and taking it outside. glad to know it worked.
-ty
Sorry to imply otherwise. Dismissive of my fear, but not my dilemma, and super-helpful.
For the record, TY is helping me overcome all fears and other problems in my life except the heights one.
And, at Susie's request, dressing me for my party. Er, "pimp[ing me] out appropriately".
Silly me, I didn't even know I needed to be pimped.
Chatterbox tomorrow,
sg
We have had bats on more than one occasion. I suppose it's probable that there is always a bat somewhere in our attic. Anyway, they just don't fly out windows in my experience. It seems like they enjoy flying right at a guy's head and veering off at the last second. Our last bat flew into the shower and was extremely and vocally upset by the glass walls. Eventually, it had the decency to fly out of the shower and hide in a big decorative pot we keep in the upstairs bathroom. I put a lid on the pot and took the bat outside. I trust the half value layer bat tooth in ceramic more than that of bat tooth in terry cloth. That said, I don't really know how to get a bat out of the house without the bat's help.
Half value layer OF bat tooth...
Ask Joey Stocklein about bats.
I used the broom to wedge Battie deep in the towel, and carried it in such a way as the part of the towel I was touching was not near the part of the towel the bat was touching.
I stopped to re-adjust on my way downstairs, and again nudged him into place with a broom while I twisted the towel and held the other end.
And the entire time I wore two layers of rubber gloves, which I continued wearing while I put the towel in the washing machine.
I should have carried him further from my house before releasing him, but I was cold and think I did the rest alright.
More importantly, should I have named it Mitzvah?
sg
Oooh bats are even scarier than horny old people and crotches! ;)
We had bats in my house, as well, a while back. Two and a half years ago now we moved into a big old fixer-upper farmhouse from the 1880's, and one of our first tasks was fixing the holes in the roof leading into the attic.
I was exceedingly shocked, you can probably imagine, when a bat flew past my bedroom door a couple days later (at first, I thought it was a bird, then upon correction, promptly fled and hid in a closet for the next hour). Turns out we'd sealed them in when we'd fixed the roof. Finally, after leaving all of the windows open overnight, it flew on its merry way.
And they're basically like flying rats. Yeah.
Bat Mitzvah, haha. Took me a minute. ;)
did you really take those photos? nice work. :)
andy once chased a bat around my college house with a frying pan. that also does the trick, but yields unfortunate results for "batties."
Happy! Birthday Boy.
Happy Birthday, boy.
Happy Birthday Boy.
Your choice.
to clarify, you told me that TY was helping you dress...I just added the pimping you out. And that had nothing to do with clothes!
Post a Comment