The one where I try live blogging

I've seen exactly 2 Oscar-nominated films this year, and we'll just say they're not up for Best Picture. And I will see some of the others, but for now I'm just gonna watch the Oscars and predict who will win, picking based on what I want to pick on. And while I watch I'll keep some notes, hang out with Finn while Trish makes dinner, work on this week's homework assignment, Gchat with Becca and Jill, who knows what else. We'll start (a maybe late start) with E! on the red carpet.

6:05: RS asked Kelly Preston/Travolta about her dress color. She said it's an orange, he said "No, it's stoplight yellow." Then he repeated it several times.

6:09: Anne Marie Duff (?) has _way_ too much eye makeup. I do not know who she is.

Gary Busey molested Jennifer Garner, who didn't appear to know who he is. Her purse looks like a clarinet case.

6:28: 'Insipid', in case you didn't know, means lacking significance or impact.

6:30: There’s another text messaging commercial, but not the one with granny saying "IDK. It's my BFF Rose." They should show that one.

6:36: Cameron Diaz: "Who are you wearing?" Dior. "And the jewelry?" CD turns around to find out.

6:48: fashion review. The French one up for Best Actress "looks like a fish on the red carpet." "But the most beautiful fish ever," they added. And they're actually kind of right.

There's a little person standing next to Ryan Seacrest. E! keeps showing him, I think because he's a little person.

And Harrison and Calista came together.

6:57: Becca reports that "michael moore is rectangular" I tell her that they should show him with Calista, who "is 2-dimensional." It's a bit disturbing--you can actually identify bones in her shoulders that I didn't know existed.

Ryan Seacrest just gave Katherine Heigl a baloney sandwich on a Ryan Seacrest plate. Here’s a picture of her wearing her PETA shirt.

7:02: Off to ABC. Regis Philbin might have a cold. Permanently.

7:18: 11:23 left on the countdown. Daniel Day-Lewis' wife has a black dress with bright red straps and an enormous, uh, plastic-crystal Christmas-tree-star broach? mounted front and center. Um, ugh.

7:25: Becca notes some more messy ponytails (Jennifer Garner, Cameron Diaz, Ellen Page), which she calls the theme for the night. To any ladies reading this, I'll just say that I have no problem with that.

I wonder who's hosting this year? Did I mention I haven’t been following this too much?

7:30: Good, it's Jon Stewart.

He starts with a lame joke, then tells some more. I think they're throwaway lines, but they get huge laughs.

7:36: First Clinton joke.

Re: Norbit's nomination in some random category: "too often, the academy ignores movies that aren't good."

My stripper name is Opie Linden.

7:39: First Republican joke.

Then he compares the name "Barack Hussein Obama" to "Gaydolf Titler".

7:43: …and, I'm 0 fer 1. Sweeney Todd didn't win costume.

But I can't wait for Get Smart! ...to be available at the library!

1 for 2, cause Ratatouille won. The guy gave a bad speech, and they started the music on him.

They started the music quick on some Best Art Direction woman, and she just talked right through it.

Amy Adams is pretty, whoever she is, but I totally forgot about having to listen to all the songs. Hello, mute button.

8:04: Turns out, TV sucks.

8:10: Cate Blanchett is pregnant, and they had her enter the stage by emerging from a giant tube.

Oscar's salute to binoculars and periscopes had some Fletch. So sadly overlooked.

Now there's a montage of bees appearing in movies to introduce best animated short. Peter and the Wolf won, and they brought Peter up on stage.
She said "This is for everyone," and CY said "Yay! My first!"

Tilda wins. She's kinda freaky. Which I thought before I saw the long, flowing curtain/sleeve on her right arm balanced by a bare left arm, or listened to her thank George Clooney and talk about him in a nippled batsuit.

The probability of getting two pairs if you roll five fair dice appears to be 1800/7776=25/108.

Ooh, now we get to find out who the accountants are…it's PWC again!

Full house odds: 300/7776.

Kristin Chenoweth's dress is solid, and doesn't fit her very well. And she's singing in a different dress than she arrived in, which also rode away from her bust. And she's 4'11" in real life, 5'7" in her Oscar shoes.

Bourne Ultimatum wins sound editing and mixing. I picked them for mixing, had No Country for editing. Now 4 right, 8 wrong. I suck.

9:15: The beautiful fish pulls a huge upset. "apparently Americans can's act very well," says chatting Timothy.

And, another montage. Whatever happened to Tom Hulce?

Counting the gems in Nicole Kidman's necklace is like those contests where you need to estimate the number of jelly beans in the jar. That thing must wrap around her neck like 9 times. To use a word from today's puzzle, she's engulfed.

The last achievement shown for the guy who won the honorary oscar was his work in Dragnet, which starred Tom Hanks, Dan Aykroyd and Christopher Plummer. He's 98.

I looked it up: 1399 carats. Which puts the value of her necklace at something like the gross national product of the island nation of Tuvalu.

Penelope Cruz announced best foreign language film, I think in a foreign language.

Who is that? And why is he wearing a polka-dotted tuxedo? He's Jon McLauglin, and remind me not to pick up his album.

John Travolta's hair is maybe made of plastic, and his tie is pointing up and to the right.

The best song won best song. And we got to see the real life couple accept their award. He's 37, she's 19. And they started the Leave Now music as she approached the microphone. So she did. But Jon brought her back after the commercial. And she proceeded to ramble, but she's a Czech who speaks English with an Irish accent, so it was okay.

10:00: Who died: Jack Valenti, the director of Monty, lotsa people who get no applause, the Cinematographer of Karate Kid, the director of A Christmas Story, finally _some_ applause for Suzanne Pleshette. End with the big names, Ingmar Bergman and Heath Ledger. Did they show that other director who died the same day as Ingmar? Maybe I missed it.

This is maybe the most forgettable Oscars I've ever seen, though by definition I might have forgotten the others.

I have to double-check, but I think there are 8,401,680 different 8-digit numbers that can be formed using the digits {1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8} if no digit can appear more than twice.

Diablo's up, and Harrison Ford gives it to her. The Oscar. He gives her the Oscar. She's wearing an animal print nightie that's slit up-to-here. A floor-length nightie, but still... She seems happy.

Three categories left. So far, I got TY to make me dinner, 8 right, 13 wrong, 3 chat windows, lots of IMDb/Wikipedia research. My picks: Daniel Day-Lewis, the Coen Brothers, and No Country for Old Men.

DDL does win, and he knelt before Queen Helen to be knighted. Which is good, because I got to see more of his wife’s dress. It’s…indescribable.

Speaking of Helen, her dress is weird too, mostly its sleeves, but she’s gorgeous. And if you go to her IMDb page, you can click to get a coupon for a free small Coke with purchase of a Jalapeño Thickburger at Hardee's at the regular price.

Coen brothers. Tim says "And the winner for best impersonation of Seth G
The one coen brother who did not say much". Which might be true, or might seem weird if you've actually read this far.

10:47: good night from Jon.

Now: good night from me.